Justice for Sonny
by JennyLB
Summary: Linden and Holder's latest case hits too close to home for Holder, forcing him to deal with some of the demons of his past. Warning: Profanity and disturbing case and topics explored
1. Chapter 1

Chapter One: Junkie Heaven

Detective Sarah Linden turned the corner toward her office, catching a glimpse of her partner, Stephen Holder, before he could see her. His shoulders were slumped, and the circles under his eyes were more pronounced than usual. She wasn't very excited to give him the news that they had caught another case because they hadn't even completely finished up the final paperwork from their previous case.

She and Holder shared a common belief that it was their responsibility to do everything in their power to solve even the hardest cases that often didn't appear to be solvable. Many of their colleagues, however, didn't share their belief and often passed off cases that might negatively affect their personal lives and case closure rates. Linden and Holder believed that all victims deserved to have someone looking out for them and bring their perpetrator to justice.

As she entered the room, she saw Holder sit up a little straighter in his chair and clear his throat. She wondered if he really thought he was fooling her. He looked exhausted, and she was, too.

"I hate to tell you..." she started to say.

"What? We caught another one already? For real?" Holder interrupted, his eyes dropping to the stacks of papers on the desk and his facial expression losing its last bit of spark.

Linden stood in front of him, forcing a small smile that caused a crease between her eyes. "I'll drive. You can rest your eyes on the way."

Holder got up off his chair and followed her out of the precinct. His partner never seemed to need sleep—or food—or anything else for that matter. He didn't know how she kept going with just coffee and cigarettes; he needed more. But at this moment, he decided to follow her lead. He jumped into the car, slumping down into the seat and putting his head back into the headrest as he stared up at the ceiling.

Sarah smiled at him even though she knew he didn't see her. Their relationship was different than any relationship she had ever had with everyone else. He was sometimes her friend, sometimes her antagonist, sometimes her brother, sometimes her confidant, sometimes her partner, and sometimes he was the only one she could trust. They had grown a lot during their time working together, and she never thought she would come to depend on and care for him as much as she did. She knew that he cared for her, too. She was one of the few people in his life who actually knew what it was like to grow up among so much dysfunction that the nuances of social norms could never be fully learned. Both were painfully aware that class was something that people were born into.

They traveled in silence the 20 minutes to the flophouse that was called in as the scene of the murder. As she parked the car, she looked over at Holder who had apparently drifted to sleep. "Holder," she quietly said as she touched his arm, "We're here."

Holder startled to a semiconscious state. He inhaled deeply and rubbed his eyes.

Sarah calculated that they both had last had any sleep about 60 and a half hours ago. She knew it wasn't healthy to be sleep deprived, but sleep was usually a luxury in a detective's line of work-especially a homicide detective who had a penchant for difficult cases.

Holder inhaled deeply again as he stared up at the flophouse. "Junkie heaven," he mumbled to himself. He hated having to go back into those situations—not because he was judgmental but mainly because he didn't fully trust himself. Even though he had been clean for two years, seven months, three weeks, and five days, he still had a deep craving for crystal. When he went to NA during the first few months of trying to get clean, they had promised him that his appetite for his drug of choice would lessen in time, but he still felt it strongly each waking moment of each day.

Sarah was already out of the car and talking with the uniform officers taping off the entrance of the run-down house.

Holder sighed deeply as he pulled the handle and got out of the car, joining Linden near the front door that had been busted down in the police raid. Many of the uni's revealed their obvious displeasure with the odor emitting from the house, but Holder was accustomed to smelling the stench of poverty.

Sarah was the first to walk inside. Holder followed in silence. He was rarely quiet, and Sarah knew that this scene was hitting it too close to home—on several levels—for him.

Two strung-out tweakers were sitting handcuffed on the stained, dilapidated sofa. The woman was pale and white and looked to be the typical skank whore with rotten teeth and visible sores on the exposed parts of her arms and face. Her clothing was soiled from apparently being worn for many days without being laundered. The man was black and looked like the typical gangster wannabe with clothing similar to Holder's style.

Without looking at the couple, Holder asked in an agitated tone, "Some junkie get diced?"

"This one's not good, Holder," Sarah answered as she turned to walk down the hallway of the filthy, roach infested house where a conglomerate of uniforms were standing and speaking in muffled tones. Holder caught up with Linden, and the uni's parted the way for them to enter into the room.

Sarah gasped as she saw the stiff, boney frame of a little boy who was still tied to the radiator in the corner of the room. He was clad only in grungy underpants despite the frigid temperatures of the early winter month. His skin was grey, looking as if it were tightly wrapped around his bones. His head and bloated stomach appeared to be too large for his tiny body, and his mouth was agape as if he had struggled for every remaining breath. His eyes were large and sunken into his face, staring up at the ceiling. For a split second, Sarah thought about Holder, recalling him staring at the car's ceiling during their ride to this horrific scene.

"Jesus, he couldn't be more than seven," Holder said as he turned away from the gruesome sight.

"He's actually ten," one of the officers responded.

"Whatever…same difference," Holder interrupted.

The uni continued, "School social worker called it in. Hadn't been to school for almost two weeks."

"What the fuck took 'em so long to notice he wadn't there?" Holder asked, showing his horror at the situation. "A half-pint like this would probably starve to death in a week or so! It took 'em that long to notice?" Holder yelled.

"Holder," Sarah said as she placed her hand on his elbow.

Holder turned around and remembered that Sarah was also there. He felt the sensation in his gut to vomit, but he breathed in and out heavily to gain control of himself. He started pacing, his breathing becoming more and more erratic. "Shit Linden...shit...shit," he muttered.

Sarah then became aware that Holder was past being able to regain control of himself. "Listen Holder, you go outside and I'll finish up here. I'll meet you in a few," she offered, noticing that Holder wasn't paying attention to her as he continued to pace the floor in front of the small alien-looking dead boy. She then grabbed his wrist hard and squeezed until he stopped.

He made eye-contact with her and inhaled deeply.

"I need you outside…okay?" she repeated.

Holder stepped back, looked at the dead boy again, then answered, "Okay, Linden."

The uni's stepped out of Holder's way as he walked toward the door. He turned to look at Sarah. She shook her head in the affirmative, and he responded by shaking his head slightly up and down as well.

Sarah continued to take notes and watch the crime scene techs gather evidence and snap photos. A few moments later she heard Holder yelling loudly and a commotion coming from the room where the couple was seated and being guarded by several uni's.

"Shit!" Sarah spat under her breath as she headed out of the boy's bedroom toward the disturbance she presumed was Holder. Four uni's were holding him back and more were running toward the young homicide detective who appeared to have lost his mind. The screaming was escalating as more and more uni's ran into the mix to help control the raving mad detective. Sarah ran forward, but by the time she reached the group, Holder had been knocked to the floor and was on the bottom of the pile of uni's.

The two tweakers continued to sit expressionless on the couch completely un-phased by the rantings of the young detective.

"Get off him!" Sarah yelled as she grabbed some of the uni's and tried pulling them off the pile of men with Holder clearly being squashed on the bottom.

"He was acting crazy," one of the uniform cops responded to her.

"Just get off him and I'll take care of this," Sarah ordered. "Now!" she screamed with barely a pause.

The men got off Holder who continued to lie in the floor.

"Get him to his feet…please," Sarah asked, using a nicer tone this time.

The men looked around at one another, and two reached down and pulled Holder onto his feet. His nose was bloody, and his eyes were half-closed. As they held him up, he appeared to be unsteady on his feet.

"Holder, can you walk?" Linden asked. She reached forward and grabbed his jaw to lift up his chin that was resting on his chest. "Holder? Holder?"

He looked up at her and then back down to the floor, his eyes feeling extremely heavy. "That skank openly admitted they beat the kid and tied him to the radiator!" Holder ranted.

The cops around them turned toward Linden and shot her expressions of disbelief. One retorted, "Those tweakers are so out of it that they're not even capable of putting two words together between them."

Holder grunted then released his weight against the two uni's who held him tighter so he wouldn't get out from underneath their grasp.

Linden looked from Holder to the uni's then stated, "Please help my partner to our car."

"Linden," Holder protested, "They're tweaked out of their skulls, but I know what I heard." He stared at Linden a few moments, trying to wriggle free of the tight grasp the cops had on him.

Linden looked at Holder for a moment then motioned toward the door. The uni's turned toward the door, all but dragging the young detective behind them. Sarah followed. As they reached their car, Sarah opened the passenger door and watched as one of the uni's pushed Holder down into the seat. Sarah nodded at the two uni's, and they nodded back then turned back toward the house. After Holder pulled his legs into the car, Sarah slammed the door, walked to the driver's side, and huffed as she sat down behind the wheel.

"Shit Holder, we don't have time for this. You need to pull it together," Sarah scolded. She turned around to glare at him to make sure he knew she meant business.

Holder sat silently with his head against the headrest staring at the ceiling. His eyes were half-closed and blood kept oozing out of his nose, running down his chin and neck and onto his hoodie.

"Do you hear me, Stephen?" she asked with her tone actually getting lower, sounding less angry.

Holder could hear her but felt like they were far away from each other. He wasn't sure that he could even form an intelligent sentence in response. He then closed his eyes.

Sarah took this as his cue for her to move on—literally and figuratively. She started the ignition then glanced back at him, rooting around for the fast-food napkins that they kept tucked away in the car's glovebox. She grabbed several and nudged his shoulder with it so he would clean up his face.

He made no movement or effort at first, then sighed heavily and took the napkins from her and swiped at the bloody stream running through his facial hair and down his neck. He then crumpled up the napkins and shoved them into his jacket pocket.

Linden put the car into drive, squealing the tires as she headed toward her home. "Listen, Holder. Let's re-group by first getting some food and sleep…okay?"

No response.

"Can you hear me Stephen?" she asked in a louder tone.

Holder turned to face Sarah, his hollow blood-shot eyes disclosing his distress with the situation.

"Talk to me please, Holder," she pleaded.

Still facing her, Holder closed his eyes.

Sarah decided it was best to give him the space he obviously needed. She heard a few moments later his rhythmic breathing indicating that he had gone back to sleep. They had been through a lot together, but she had never seen him like this before. She remembered very early in their partnership that he had nonchalantly told her that his mother often had boyfriends who would beat him to get to his mother. Was it that or the meth house? Exhaustion? Maybe a combination of it all? Whatever it was, Sarah was worried about him. He was always the comic relief to their stressful situations. She continued to drive onward, realizing that she desperately needed sleep as well.

45 minutes later, she pulled in front of her home. She hated to wake him, but he needed to be in a more comfortable place to get a more restful sleep. "Stephen," she quietly said as she gingerly stroked his upper arm.

He jumped upwards in his seat and panted as he began looking around the car, his eyes wide with fright.

"It's just me," Sarah reassured. She could tell that he was concentrating on his breathing.

"What the fuck?" Holder asked when he recognized he was in front of Sarah's home.

"We need some time to sleep so we can work our case in the morning," she answered.

"Sarah Linden's gonna take time to crash? OMG! Call the papers! That's a headliner!"

You can joke all you want, but I can't have you spazzing out on me again."

Holder's eyes widened again as he remembered the dead boy. "Oh my God, Linden. That boy…oh my God."

"I know, it's bad," she agreed. "Is there something else?"

He frowned at her. "What do ya mean?"

"Come on Holder, you know what I mean."

Holder sat back in the seat. "Let's go in. You makin' food?"

Linden grabbed his arm. "You can't get out of this this easy," she responded.

"For real? I ain't getting' outta nothin', Linden. I'm hungry…and tired. Give me a break for once, please! We ain't married or nothin'!" Holder quipped.

"Okay, Holder," Linden said. "I can make some sandwiches. Are you embracing meat this week?"

Holder smiled at her as he got out of the car.

She returned his smile. She knew something was not right with him and he would talk when he was ready. They walked together up the sidewalk toward her front door, Sarah in the lead. "You're going to need to wash the rest of that blood off your face," Linden stated as she turned around to face him as she inserted the key into her door.

Holder reached up and touched his nose, feeling the dried, sticky blood that was still in his mustache and chin. He gave Linden a guilty look.

"The uni's tackled you because they thought for sure you were going to kill the junkies."

"Oh," Holder responded.

Linden was surprised that that was his only response.

As they got into her home, Holder asked, "How 'bout grilled cheese?"

Sarah turned around and gave him an annoyed look. Grilling the sandwiches was more than she was willing to commit to cooking.

"Yo, you want me to be the master chef?" he asked.

"Probably so," Sarah answered. "You shower first, though," she offered, handing him a folded up towel. "I'll get the food out, and then you can do the cooking while I shower."

"Fair 'nuf," Holder responded as he walked toward her bathroom.

A few minutes later she could hear the water running. She sat at her kitchen table warming her cold hands on a cup of coffee that she had microwaved that had been left over in the pot from the day before. Jumping with the shrill of her cell phone, Linden pulled her phone out of her jacket pocket. "Linden," she said.

It was a uni at the precinct. The tweakers were coming down from their high, and the man had warned that there would be no evidence against him, and he was demanding to be released. The woman, on the other hand, was still barely able to speak beyond guttural grunts.

"Just keep them in lock up to give us time to re-group over here," Linden stated.

"Oh, yeah. I heard about Holder. The lieutenant is pretty pissed at him. Tell him that he has some explaining to do when he gets in here in the morning," the uni answered.

"He's wiped out…we both are. Just buy us some time…okay?" Linden asked. She had barely finished her sentence when she caught Holder in her peripheral view. He was barefoot and drying his hair with the towel she had given him and was carrying his bloody hoodie. Linden then clicked off her cell phone and looked up at Holder who continued to stand in front of her.

"What now?" Holder asked.

"Nothing. I just told them to hang on to the junkies until the morning to give us time to eat and sleep. The boy is at the morgue."

Holder just nodded several times then walked toward her kitchen. "You call dis cheese, Linden?" he asked as he turned around fanning a piece of Kraft sandwich cheese wrapped in plastic in front of his face.

Sarah just looked at him and smiled. There was the Holder she knew.

"This ain't nothing but oil with a little orange food coloring. Shit. Rats don't even eat this shit."

"Beggars can't be…"

"I ain't no beggar," Holder bantered back.

"Just make the damn sandwiches," Linden said over her shoulder as she walked toward the bathroom to shower.

Holder turned around toward the stove and surveyed the food she had set out for him to work with. "I gotta be some magic genie, I guess," he mumbled to himself. "This shit is nasty." He liked being there with Linden, though. It felt good…gave him a sense of peace, a sense of belonging. So if he had to work with crappy ingredients and prepare something for them to eat, then so be it. He would do that. He would definitely do that for Sarah.

They ate in relative quiet—both too tired to force the conversation. Sarah could see Holder struggling to keep his eyes open and remembered that he was still not as accustomed to sleep deprivation as she was. She then got up and brought him a pillow and blanket and motioned toward the sofa. "I'll take care of clean up. You go ahead and get some sleep. We have an early start in the morning," she said as she thrust the blanket and pillow into his arms.

Holder got up from the table and obeyed. He was still dressed in only his jeans and wife-beater tee.

"Are you warm enough?" Sarah asked.

Holder shook his head up and down while not raising it from the pillow.

She smiled at him then turned to clean up the counter and go to bed herself. It had been a rough few days as they closed their last case and headed blindly into this recent one. She had never in real life seen a child who had been so neglected—even in all of her years in the system. The image of the little boy with the bloated stomach and boney frame would not get out of her mind. She had seen pictures like that in the National Geographic of African children dying of starvation, but never in this country did she think she would encounter such a sight. She wondered how Jack was doing at his Dad's in Chicago, and then laughed to herself at Holder eating the cheese he had called oily food coloring. One thing was for sure, Holder kept her amused. She then heard him mumble, so she turned in his direction on the sofa to see what he wanted. He was still sleeping, so he must be one of those people who talks in his sleep. That amused her. Smiling at him one last moment, she then turned off the lights and went to her room. Sleep was beckoning her, too.

TBC


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter Two: Shit Don't Stick

Several hours later, Sarah was awakened out of a dead sleep. She heard someone yelling "Help!" She paused a moment to determine if it was just a part of her dream, but she couldn't remember her dream. Then she heard it again, and it was Holder. Sarah jumped up, pulled the clock toward her so she could see the time, then hurried into the living room where she had left Holder. He wasn't on the sofa, so she turned on a lamp to see where he was. She then heard him yelling again from the corner of the room. "Holder, what are you doing?" she whispered loudly as she walked over to him.

Holder was sleeping on the floor between the desk and wall, continuing to mumble in his sleep.

Sarah couldn't decipher his words. He continued to mumble then called out for help again. "What the hell memory has been awakened in you Holder?" she whispered. She continued to stare at his sleeping form lying on the wooden floor in the corner of her living room. As a child in various foster homes, she had seen kids doing this quite often. These kids were the damaged goods, the unadoptable ones with too much baggage for even the biggest of Bible thumpers to take on. He must have suffered a lot more than he had let on to her. She went to the couch and retrieved the pillow and blanket. Lifting his sleeping head from the floor, she inserted the pillow underneath then put the blanket over his exposed arms. She then went back to bed. It would be daylight soon, and they both needed as much sleep as possible.

In the morning, Holder awakened to the smell of coffee.

Sarah watched him as he first looked around then got up off the floor, letting the blanket slip from his body and land onto the floor over the pillow. He yawned as he walked toward her.

"Oh snap, Detective Linden cooked breakfast for me," he teased.

"Don't get too excited; it's only toast," she responded.

Holder smiled up at her as she poured him a cup of coffee and scooted the sugar bowl and milk toward him.

"Do you want jelly? I have strawberry," Sarah offered.

"Naw, plain's fine," he answered.

"Do you have something against strawberries?"

"Not a fan," Holder stated as he spread butter and dipped his fingers into the sugar bowl and dropped sugar onto his toast. Sarah couldn't imagine even Jack doing something like that, but she said nothing as she scooted a spoon forward, which landed against the sugar bowl with a clink. Holder picked up the spoon and dipped it into the bowl, understanding that that was Sarah's way of telling him to keep his fingers out of the bowl.

"You like the floor?" Sarah asked.

Holder's facial expression changed, and his eyes grew larger. "Man, I need a cigarette. Ya know, the first one of the day is always the best." He retrieved his pack and flicked a cig into his mouth and lit up. Taking a long inhale, Holder looked satisfied.

"Yep," Sarah responded, deciding not to push him. "The first one of the day is always the best." She didn't need confirmation from him that he must have endured abuse as a child. "You going to be able to handle this case?" she asked after a few moments of silence.

"I'm cool, Linden."

"Just checking," she replied.

They finished eating and headed to the precinct. "Let me take lead on questioning the man? His prints in the system have him as some low-life gangster, and the woman is just some crank-head. The kid was hers but not his."

"Figured," Holder said.

Yeah?"

"Yeah. These moms never really know the baby-daddies. They just put out for the drugs."

Linden exhaled and shook her head from side to side as she drove toward the station.

"Anyways, it don't take no scientist to see that the boy was white, so that black crank-head couldn't be that boy's pops.

Linden paused then said, "Listen, Holder. I need to know that you can handle this…cause if it's too…"

"I told you I'm fine," Holder said in a more aggressive tone. He had never used that tone with Sarah, so it took her aback.

"Okay," Sarah said as she paused a few moments. "But if you pull a stunt like you did last night, then I'm having the lieutenant pull you from the case. I'll get another partner on this one and have you assigned to desk duty."

"Yo, you wouldn't pull that shit on me…would ya boss?"

"Try me," Sarah answered as she turned to give Holder her most intimidating look. It had always worked on Jack, so she decided to use it on Holder at that moment.

"Oh Snap! Linden gettin' pissy."

Sarah turned back toward him and smiled a broad smile. They locked eyes for an instance, reassuring one another that they had each other's backs.

Once inside, Holder veered off into their office as Sarah proceeded down the hall toward the interrogation room. As he thumbed through the file left on Linden's desk by the CSU team, his stomach clenched when he saw the name of the crank-head partying with the dead boy's mother.

DeVian Solomon.

"Damn…the Solomon family," Holder said aloud to himself.

DeVian Solomon was the nephew of the current Black Disciple leader.

He wasn't a wannabe ganster like they had all thought. This guy, by the nature of his birthright, was a member of one of the most vicious and feared gangs in all of Washington.

Holy fuckin shit," Holder said to himself. He sat down at the desk not knowing what to do and where to turn first.

Having spent most of his youth in the King County area, Holder knew a lot about the Solomon family, which had deep roots in the Black Disciples back in Chicago. It was well known that it was the Solomon family who brought the Black Disciples to Washington. Even Holder knew to regard the Solomons with reverence and consternation.

And Sarah was all alone down the hall with a Solomon.

"Fuck," Holder yelled as he got up to go to the interrogation room to join her. She would be pissed at first, but he would explain as soon as he could get her alone.

"Linden," Holder said in a breathy voice.

"Not now," Sarah snapped, turning away from DeVian to scowl at Holder. "I'm busy right now."

"I need ya right now," Holder responded.

Sarah turned back toward DeVian Solomon, ignoring her partner.

Holder then came forward to sit beside his partner.

DeVian, who had barely acknowledged Linden, turned to stare at Holder. "Whut up, brother?"

Holder dropped his eyes to the table for a few seconds then looked back up to face DeVian. "I ain't your brother," Holder said in a deep, slow voice as he glared at DeVian.

"Whut ever, man," DeVian responded. "Gotta be play acting for your little be-atch here."

It took Sarah a few seconds to comprehend that she had just been referred to as a bitch.

"I know you did it," Holder said.

"And I be knowin that you a dirty po-po," DeVian answered as he smiled broadly, exposing his gold-lined teeth.

Both Linden and Holder breathed in heavily.

"That skanky crank-ho musta dun what you accusin' me of. I ain't no ba-ba killer."

"Come on, we need to step out," Linden said as she grabbed Holder's elbow.

Holder obliged.

"Hey…po-po tweaker… Ya think I dunno who you is," DeVian yelled out as Holder and Linden knocked on the door to be let out. "I been knowin you, bro! Ain't nobody here know you, Holder?"

At the sound of his name, Holder could feel his stomach twist. He needed a cigarette.

As they got out of the room, Linden grabbed Holder's elbow again and pulled him down the hall away from the interrogation room so they wouldn't be heard. Holder put a cigarette in his mouth and lit up. "What the hell is going on Holder?" she whispered loudly, moving forward to try and get as close into Holder's face as possible.

"He ain't no wannabe…he's a Solomon," Holder answered.

"So?" Linden whispered, getting even closer into Holder's face.

Holder took a step back, uncomfortable with how close Sarah was in his face. "The Solomons…" he said, pausing to gauge Sarah's response.

Sarah pulled up her shoulders and hands and exaggerated her eyes into a frustrated look. "So? Is that supposed to mean something to me?"

"For real?" Holder responded. "You been livin' under a rock or somthin' all your life?"

Sarah took a step back, respecting her partner's street knowledge.

"The Solomon family…man they be the heads of the Black Disciples. Shit Linden, we don't wanna be fuckin' with the Solomon family. They kill ya just as soon as look at ya."

Sarah knew she had some homework to do. Her Gang Unit colleagues could help fill in the void. Her cell phone then rang. It was the Medical Examiner. "I need to take this," she said to Holder as she opened her phone and hit the button to accept the call.

Holder strained to follow along. He had given up trying to be accepted by their colleagues as being on equal footing as Sarah Linden. She had history; he was still building.

"M.E. said that the boy was beaten. His liver and kidneys were bruised. There's actually a shoe print on the boy's abdomen. They're trying to determine his cause of death now."

Holder turned away and started walking down the hallway. Sarah stood and watched him. He turned at the end of the hallway and walked back toward her. "This ain't right Linden. However that kid died, those tweakers did it!"

Sarah stared up at Holder, waiting to catch his eye.

"This ain't good, Linden. The Solomon family won't stand for this. They don't let their own go down." Holder swallowed hard then turned to walk back down the hallway again.

As he got back to where Sarah was still standing, Holder finally caught her eyes and reminded himself that he needed to maintain his cool. He believed she would have him assigned to desk duty if she couldn't trust that he could hold it together.

"We only have a few more hours left with DeVian. We need to charge him or cut him loose," Sarah said.

"Then let's charge him," Holder said as he turned back toward the interrogation room.

"We don't have enough evidence yet," Sarah reminded.

"Let's get his shoes and see if we can get a timeline of his activities. That'll help when T.O.D. comes back. What about the statement at the house last night?"

"Holder, no one else heard anything," Sarah responded.

"Linden, I know what I heard."

"But there's such a thing as evidence and witnesses…and we don't have that."

"Then let's get him on drug charges. Certainly the uni's caught that evidence," Holder answered in a frustrated tone.

"But they're not directly linked to DeVian."

"Jesus, Johnny Cochran! You think that's OJ in there or somethin'?"

"Something like that," Linden responded. She paused then continued. "Holder, if we're going to put our lives on the line with this family that you say is the devil incarnate, then we damn well better have our shit together!" Sarah admonished.

"Okay, I get it. Saw the billboard."

"For right now, let's just link his shoes to the bruises on the boy. Can you confiscate his shoes, and I'll get the guys to swab his fingers for DNA?"

Holder turned toward the interrogation room. As he approached the door, he turned toward Sarah, "Wait here," he instructed.

She stood still and shook her head in the affirmative. "I'll be right outside the window here," she said to Holder as he went through the door.

Holder didn't know if that was meant as support or a threat. Regardless, he heeded her words.

DeVian looked up and smiled again.

"Yo, I ain't gonna bullshit ya. Shoe prints on the boy's stomach look like they be yours. Ring a bell? Did you kick that boy?"

"Shit, man. I ain't know there be a boy in that skanky house," DeVian responded.

Holder was perplexed. He then resumed, "Uni's gonna be takin' swabs. It don't look good for ya, DeVian." Holder continued to stand in front of DeVian, who was still handcuffed to the table.

DeVian's smile never faltered, and his facial expression never wavered. "Shit don't stick to no Solomon, bro. Now come on, you know that."

"Give me your kicks," Holder ordered.

With no hesitation, DeVian jerked his feet forward several times so his bright red Addias Crazy 8 sneakers would fly off his feet. "Shit, man, how you expect a brother to keep his feet warm?" he mocked.

Holder bent down to pick up the shoes and retreated from the room. His heart continued to pound in his chest.

"Good work, Holder," Sarah said as Holder joined her at the window. "Let's get them down to the M.E. so he can see if they're a match.

Holder shook his head up and down, his facial expression and eyes looking like that of a caged animal.

When they got to the morgue, they could see the frame of the little boy under a sheet lying on the steel table. They found the M.E. who immediately began going over the evidence with them. Holder couldn't keep his eyes off the boy. Linden did all the talking.

Holder could hear that they were talking but couldn't make out their words. He then felt suddenly hot and his stomach lurched as if it needed to get rid of the coffee and sugar toast. He continued to stand slightly behind Linden, shifting his weight from foot to foot. That could have been him, he thought to himself. Suddenly he felt the need to call his sister, Liz, and thank her for saving his life. He couldn't remember ever doing that. Had he ever done anything nice for her? She saved him from being a statistic, and all he ever did for her was give her more grief. He knew that Liz loved and hated him both at the same time. She now had her own life and own children to care for, and he was nothing but an unreliable additional burden to her. It was no wonder she didn't want him around her children. What mother in her right mind would want her child's role model to be a low-life tweaker? Holder felt someone touching his arm and looked up to realize that Linden was talking to him. "I gotta take a piss," he said as he scurried through the double swinging doors into the hallway where the men's bathroom was.

Linden followed him out of the room and could hear him retching in the men's room. It had been hours since they ate breakfast, so there was certainly nothing in his stomach to be expelled. She waited patiently outside the door until Holder came out. "Come on, let's go get some fresh air," she offered.

They walked out of the morgue and down the sidewalk, not really having a destination in mind.

"The M.E. going to see if DeVian's shoes are a match," Linden said, breaking the silence between them.

"Oh…okay…good," Holder responded.

"So we can at least charge DeVian with assault and battery. That should get us several days."

"Oh…okay."

Linden was startled at how robotically Holder was answering. "Do you feel like getting some lunch?"

He really didn't, but he answered yes anyway. "Jimmy John's?"

"Sure," Linden answered.

They then turned back around toward the morgue to get their car. "On our way back, we can stop by the school to chat with the social worker," Linden said. After several minutes of silence, Linden added, "The Lieutenant said that the mother isn't talking…not one word. She won't even acknowledge that the boy is hers."

"She probably won't…he wasn't a kid to her…just some obstruction in her way," Holder responded.

"Is that what your mom thought about you?" Linden asked.

Holder stopped and jerked around quickly toward Linden. He then looked up at the sky. "Damn, Linden. You don't mince words."

"My mom left me, and I can't figure out why," Linden offered. "I was all alone for several days in the dark waiting for her to come back, but she never did. I don't even know who called social services. I never was…." Sarah paused.

"Never was what?" Holder asked.

"I never was told what happened to her…why she left me," Sarah answered quietly.

"My moms never shoulda had kids," Holder interjected. "I dunno why she did…can't figure that one out."

As they drove along, Linden offered him a sympathetic smile. "Go in or Drive-thru…what's your preference?"

"I'm a booth kind of guy," Holder answered.

They then went inside Jimmy John's and walked up to the counter. "You gonna eat something this time?" Holder sarcastically asked.

"I'd like a Slim 4 and large coffee," Sarah said.

Holder stepped forward. "Uh, give me the Giant Club Sandwich #13…and an extra-large sweat tea... And…two orders of Jalapeno Jimmy Chips, too," he added.

"No thank you, I don't eat jalapeno peppers," Sarah said.

"I'm down with that, but those are mine," Holder responded.

Linden snickered, relieved that he still had his appetite. They then sat down at a booth.

"Ya know Linden…I know you had a rough time and all…ya know…growing up in the system. But no one intervened on my behalf…no one. And they had to know."

"Know what?" Linden asked.

Holder looked down at the plastic tray full of food. He wasn't sure why he had ordered so much. He struggled to find the right words to explain. Taking a deep breath in, Holder looked up at Sarah.

"Know what?" Sarah repeated. After a few moment pause, she added, "Know that you were mistreated?"

Holder shook his head. "Yeah, guess it don't take no genius to figure that one out. My moms…man, she had some Mike Tysons in her time."

Sarah remained still and quiet. She then took a sip of her coffee.

"You know you can talk to me if you need someone, right?"

"Yeah, Linden…I know…you a regular Dr. Phil," Holder said as he smiled at her.

She smiled back.

They both took large bites of their sandwiches. They were delicious.

TBC


	3. Serenity

Chapter Three: Serenity

Later that night, Linden returned home after dropping off Holder at his apartment. They didn't get much information from the school social worker, who seemed evasive and defensive. She had called in her concern to the police after she received the email from the teacher of the child's absence from school and was not able to reach the mom. It wasn't uncommon for parents not to answer their phones or be uncooperative and non-communicative. There was a real level of distrust between the parents and schools. Holder had remained unusually quiet during their chat with the school social worker.

As Sarah sipped her coffee and read through several of the case notes provided by the uni's, she realized that she was tired. It was getting late, so she decided to shower and go on to bed. Perhaps catching up on sleep would give her a better perspective tomorrow. The case was feeling like a dead-end. No one had come forward to claim the boy's body…no father, grandmother, distant cousin. No one. The little boy was all alone. He had lived his last moments all alone tied to a cold radiator and was in death also all alone. That fact greatly saddened Sarah. She thought about Holder and wondered what his childhood was like. She then realized that his serenity tattoo must symbolize more than getting free from his addiction to meth. She had never realized that about him. As her eyes drifted closed, the shrill of her cellphone startled her. It was Holder. His timing was always perfect.

"Linden…I'm sorry Linden…."

"What's going on, Holder?" Sarah calmly spoke into her phone.

Her level of concern elevated as she could hear Holder in the background, but he no longer was talking to her. There were then crashing noises and Holder screamed. "Holder!" Linden yelled. "Holder!"

"We at his crib," a voice finally said into Holder's phone. "You better get down here if you want your boy alive. And you better come alone! We'll kill him split if you bring the pig brigade with you!"

Sarah felt a tightening in her chest as she quickly got dressed and headed out of her house toward Holder. The phone connection was still on, and she could hear laughing and Holder in the background breathing heavily.

"Converse with her, bro," Sarah could hear in the background. "Tell her how's this is gonna go down."

"Linden," Holder said breathlessly. "I'm okay. Stay…."

"Not too smart, Eminem."

Sarah could hear Holder apparently getting kicked again.

"Linden," Holder started to say.

"Listen, I'm on my way. Remember what you told me today. No chances, Holder. You got that? No chances. I'm on my way," Sarah said as she zoomed toward Holder's apartment.

The phone line then went dead. Sarah's heart thumped loudly against her chest.

25 minutes later, Sarah parked in front of Holder's apartment and ran into his building. She knew she was acting irrationally. Training had taught her never to enter an ambush without backup, but she didn't have time to think sensibly about this. As she approached Holder's apartment, his door was open. "Holder," Sarah said softly as she entered inside with her gun drawn.

Adrenaline took over her fear as she faced three large men standing over Holder, whose hands and feet were tied together as he lay on the floor.

"No," Holder mouthed to Linden as they caught one another's eyes.

The man who appeared to be in charge smiled at Sarah as he motioned for one of the other men to go toward her. She didn't flinch as he came inches from her physical space. Holding out his hand, he nodded toward her gun. Sarah hesitantly put her gun into his hand. She was startled as the man then turned her around and began frisking her for more weapons. She had no other weapon.

Sarah caught her breath and calmly asked the man in charge, "What do you want?"

"The kicks…and everything else you got on our brother." The man in charge then reared back and kicked Holder again in his side.

Holder grunted in pain.

The third man turned so his back was to Linden. He then came back around to face her, holding a syringe.

"There's no need for this," Sarah said. "I'm cooperating. I will do what you want."

"I think you're gonna need some motivation," the leader taunted.

"Catch this. Our white brother here…he's got the itch for the christy."

"He's clean now. You don't have to do this," Sarah said, her tone of voice changing to display her concern.

"All human beings need a little extra motivation," the leader said as he reached down and pulled Holder up and thrust him into a chair. Holder's eye was bruised, and blood from a head wound had run down his hairline.

Sarah caught her breath as she saw Holder's appearance.

"Besides, if this don't work, we can have a converse with our brothers in Chicago," the leader said as he cut loose the ropes from Holder's hands and feet and then motioned for one of the other men to come forward and re-tie him to the chair.

Sarah then realized that they were threatening Jack, too.

The man with the syringe walked up to Holder. "Ya loves her, don't ya?"

For a moment, Holder wasn't sure if they meant Linden or the meth. He stared wide-eyed at the needle, breathing noticeable short, shallow breaths. Beads of sweat popped up on his forehead. He did love them both.

"Holder!" Sarah yelled, pulling his attention away from the meth to look at her.

He began shaking as his eyes went back to the needle.

Sarah looked at the men. The leader smiled broadly, showing his golden teeth. They were the same ones that DeVian had. "Okay, I'll go get the evidence. I don't need motivation. I understand. Just please don't do this," Sarah begged as she looked back over to Holder.

His eyes continued to move from Sarah to the needle as if he were watching a tennis match.

With no hesitation, the man holding the syringe jabbed it into Holder and shot him with the liquid meth.

Sarah concentrated to remain strong, but she felt the urgency to break down. She watched as Holder sat back momentarily in the chair, closing his eyes and appearing to be in a place of euphoria.

"There's plenty more of this…get my drift?" the leader said as he held up a bag with a substantial size of crystal in it.

Holder's eyes shot open, and he was breathing heavily as if he had run a marathon. He began pushing against the restraints.

The leader motioned to the two others to retrieve the bungee cords on the table near their bags of meth, cooking tools, and pile of guns. The men obeyed and began applying extra restraints onto Holder's arms, legs, and torso onto the chair. Holder kept fighting against the restraints.

Sarah watched her partner fruitlessly struggle. The men were amused by the show.

Holder panted wildly as he worked through his elevated energy level while being unable to physically move.

"Ya got 'bout 30 minutes til the rush wares off…so ya better put it in drive," the leader said to Linden as he smiled broadly at her again.

Sarah turned to run to her car so she could get to the precinct to retrieve the items the Solomons were demanding. She could hear the men laughing as she ran down the steps. She remembered what Holder had said about the Solomon family, so she decided to relinquish the items to them to save her partner…and her son. She worried because she knew it would take her over an hour to get to the precinct and back, which meant that Holder was in for at least another dose. "Oh my God," she whispered aloud to herself. She didn't believe in God, but she knew that Holder did, so she decided to negotiate with Holder's higher power for him. "You can't do this to him. He got clean, and he believes in you. How dare you do this to him!" As she drove, she heard her cellphone again.

"Tick tock be-atch," the leader said.

Sarah didn't respond.

"Does ya hear dis?"

She could hear Holder's panting not as great as when she was there.

"Your boy's a tweaker…gonna take more than we thought to keep the rush."

Sarah felt a warm sensation growing in her face.

"This is your boy gettin' another bump. Ya better hurry. Certainly don't want his fall from the wagon to kill him."

"He's a cop," Sarah said grasping the steering wheel even tighter.

She could hear the men in the background laughing…at her…and at Holder. She then heard Holder yelling and panting harder again. There were thumping noises. Sarah presumed that Holder was rocking the chair as he struggled to get out of it. The phone line went dead, and Sarah flipped her phone into itself and threw it on the seat beside her.

A few minutes later, Sarah made it to the precinct. The evidence locker was closed, but she stopped at the desk of the guard on duty. "Jimmy," Sarah said. "We've had a break in our case and need to take a look at all the evidence against DeVian Solomon." She focused on appearing calm so the uni wouldn't ask her if anything was wrong.

"Sign here. I can go get it for you, Detective Linden," Jimmy trustingly answered. In a few moments, he brought out a box labeled with DeVian's name.

"Thanks, Jimmy," Sarah answered over her shoulder as she hurried out the door. As she began driving back toward Holder's apartment, her phone rang again.

"Bump," the sinister voice stated.

Sarah could hear the commotions in the background. "There's no need for that. I'm on my way!" Sarah yelled, then stated under her breath, "You're going to kill him."

"Do you have what we want?"

"Yes," Sarah said as she wiped away the several tears that had started to run down her cheeks.

"When you arrive, place it by the outside entrance door and go back to your car. Drive around the block and then you can come back to the party with your boy."

Sarah did as she was instructed. Her heart pounded as she parked her car in front of his building after dropping off the evidence box and making the lap around the block. The box was gone. They no longer had any direct evidence against DeVian Solomon for the murder of the little boy. She crept up the stairs to Holder's apartment, and the door was still open. She came quietly inside and saw that the men were gone, and Holder remained restrained to the wooden chair near the window. They had left a needle in his arm. Sarah's heart sank as she saw him.

Holder continued to pant, rotating his head from side to side and straining to pull his arms and legs away from the chair.

She ran to him, pulling the needle from his arm. Holder looked at her, but Sarah couldn't tell if he actually did see her. Her heart raced as she tried to figure out what to do. "Holder, can you hear me?" she said as she placed her hand on his shoulder.

Holder looked up at her, giving her a wild look. "Linden, Linden, Linden," Holder uncontrollably repeated. He breathed in and out in short breaths.

"Holder," Sarah calmly stated, "I'm going to get you loose. Do you understand what's happening?"

Holder smiled then said agitatedly said through gritted teeth, "This ain't my first rodeo, boss."

Sarah was taken aback at the aggression in his voice.

"Get me the fuck outa this chair, Linden!" Holder continued breathing heavily. "I gotta get out of here!"

Sarah walked over to the kitchen sink and picked up the dish cloth and put it under the water. Wringing it out, she walked over to Holder and began awkwardly washing the blood off his face.

Holder stared up wildly at her, his eyes large. He flinched at the first few dabs on his face. He then calmed and relaxed as she continued to remove the dried blood. The warm water actually felt good.

"It's going to be okay, Holder. It's going to be okay," Sarah said, mainly to calm her own nerves. She didn't have a lot of experience with drug addicts, and she always left before people needed her too much. She couldn't do that to Holder, though. They had been through too much together. He had been there for her, so she had to learn how to be there for him.

Holder continued to loudly breathe in and out. He finally completely relaxed against the restraints.

Sarah went back to the kitchen and threw the bloody towel into the sink. She then got a glass and filled it with cool water. "You need to drink this," she said to Holder as she brought up the glass to his parched lips.

He drank the entire glass. "Linden, I'm okay…I'm okay…ya hear me? I'm okay."

"I hear you, Holder," Linden answered.

"He tied me up. I couldn't move."

"I know."

"I didn't know what to do. I was all alone."

Linden stared at him, saying nothing. She couldn't think of anything she could say.

"I was all alone...ya know? I thought I was gonna die."

"I know, Stephen."

After a few minute pause, Holder continued. "Liz went to her pop's," he said as his eyes continued to dart around the room.

"What?" Sarah asked, squinting as she looked at him.

"Her pops didn't want me comin', so she had to leave me behind. She had to leave me behind…there was nothing she could do."

"What?" Sarah repeated.

"I hadn't remembered this…it didn't stick in my brain. Not sure why 'cause I can remember all kinds of useless shit. But I was a scrawny little kid then…I think first grade…Miss Carmichael's class."

Linden's heart sank. "Remembered what?" she asked.

"He tied me up and threw me in my room. My moms…she didn't care. She just wanted me outa the way. I think she forgot I was in there. Ya know? Out of sight, out of mind. I didn't have no pops any more, and Liz's pops didn't want me tagging along. He didn't want his daughter's bastard brother interfering…." Holder squinted his eyes then went quiet, looking as if he were back at that moment.

Linden was afraid she was going to lose it but wanted to remain strong for Holder.

"I lost track…ya know…of the time. To this day I don't know how long I was in there. No one noticed…not the school…not no social worker…no one. I got so hungry I thought about eating pieces of the floor. Then it passed. Time, hunger, fear…everything passed. I knew I was still alive 'cause I could smell the stink of our apartment, but I was in a different place. Do you know what I mean?"

"Yes," Linden answered. And she did know what he meant. She had also experienced that feeling of timelessness as a child in foster homes.

"When Liz got home, she found me. I can't remember much else. Just that she bawled and never left again. Her pops…man, he was pissed that she wouldn't visit him without me and then eventually he stopped coming 'round and askin' altogether. All she wanted was for me to come with her. That's all she wanted. It didn't seem like a lot to ask. Ya know? That's not a lot…is it, Linden?"

Sarah reached forward and touched the side of Holder's face. She quietly answered, "No." She could feel the tears running down her face, no longer able to hold them back. She then got a kitchen knife and began cutting the restraints off him.

Holder watched her wide-eyed as she cut him free. "That kid coulda been me, Linden. That coulda been me. Oh man, Liz saved my life, and all that got her was her losin' her pops and a tweaker brother who stole from her."

Linden nudged Holder forward out of the chair and onto the couch. She could hear him groan as he moved. She supposed he had some bruised, or maybe even broken, ribs. They sat beside one another on the couch in silence. A few minutes later, Sarah went to the kitchen to get another glass of water for him. She watched as he drank it down and continued to look around the room.

"You sure they gone, Linden?"

"Yeah. They got what they wanted," Linden answered.

Holder repeated, "You sure they gone?"

Sarah smiled, "Yes, they're gone. I've got your back, Holder. Okay? I've got your back."

Holder sank down into the sofa. "I know, Linden. You always been my BFF." He then closed his eyes, relaxing against Sarah's side.

TBC


	4. All for Nothing

Chapter Four: All for Nothing

Linden and Holder sat there for several hours, neither succumbing to sleep. She could feel Holder's weight against her, but she felt strong enough to withstand it.

"Linden, I can't hold up no longer," Holder whispered.

"I know…just rest, okay? It's okay to let go," Sarah said. She watched him as he continued to fight against the sleep. He remembered the hangover and withdrawal after the crash…and that scared the shit out of him more than anything else. He always felt weakest during those times.

"I've done a 360."

"What?" Sarah asked.

"I'm back where I started," Holder said, inhaling deeply.

"I know," Sarah answered.

"Over two and a half fuckin years…and I'm back where I started."

"You're tough…you can persevere again. You got me this time," Sarah answered. Then she added, "Sleep now."

Holder sighed then closed his eyes.

"How the hell…we gonna… get out of this one… Linden?" Holder asked in hushed tones, words slurring together.

"We'll figure it out, okay?" Linden answered.

"How we gonna get DeVian now?"

"I don't know…we'll figured that one out, too." Sarah was also exhausted. "We're going to do it, though," Sarah added. "We always do."

"Get the bad guy?"

"Yes," Sarah answered. "That boy deserves justice."

"Sonny," Holder sighed.

"What?" Sarah asked.

"His name was Sonny," Holder said quietly as he finally gave in to sleep.

Sarah watched Holder restlessly sleep. His breathing was fitful, and he continued to shake and mumble. She was worried about him being able to do it again. He wasn't strong right now. She didn't feel strong either. Finally her emotions overwhelmed her, and she wept. After she regained control of herself, she realized how exhausted she was, so she closed her eyes.

Several hours later, Holder awoke. "Linden," he whispered as he turned toward her. "I'm an ice cube here. You cold?"

She wasn't. She then reached behind her and pulled a blanket over his chest and shoulders. "Better?" she asked.

Holder nestled into the blanket, trying to find warmth. His shaking was almost uncontrollable. "I wanted it, ya know?"

"What?" Sarah asked, opening her eyes to look at him. "You wanted what?"

"The meth."

"It's okay…that's normal. It's going to be okay."

"I saw that needle…and that crystal, and part of me was relieved. I was tired of fighin' it…ya know?"

"I do know, Holder. Trust me…I really do understand. But you can beat this again. Do you hear me? You don't want that kind of life again. And besides, I need you…okay?"

Holder turned to look at Linden. He had never considered that she might need him. "Okay, Linden."

"There are so many people out there who need justice…so many kids. You've got to be strong and fight this. They need you to fight this."

"Okay, Linden," he responded. Then he added after a slight pause, but I gotta do it for me…ya know?"

"Yes," Linden answered.

They both sighed then closed their eyes, still leaning against each other for warmth and strength.

In the early morning hours, Sarah awakened to her cellphone ringing. It was their lieutenant. Holder was in a deep sleep and didn't rouse. "Linden," she said. After a pause, she asked in a tone of disbelief, "What?"

Linden's one-way conversation began to bring Holder from his unconscious sleep. He could hear Linden's words, but his unconscious mind made it seem that she was across a large lake with noises from their surroundings more predominant in his ears. "Sarah!" he called out to her. "I don't get what you're sayin'!"

Linden saw Holder getting more restless and mumbling even louder. She clicked off her phone and reached out to put her hand on his forehead to gauge his body temperature. That's what she had seen women on television do for their sick family members. She couldn't give her husband what he wanted in a wife and had failed Jack as well…was a terrible mother. The only adult relationships she had were with men who were otherwise committed. That was safe. She only had to give them a very small part of herself. Reggie was the only woman she had bonded with, but that relationship also had its limitations. She cared for Holder, so she had to try. She would give him what she could—after all, he asked for very little of her in return. As she held her hand on Holder's forehead, she realized he felt cool to the touch. She looked around to see if there were any more blankets around the room.

"Are ya here with me for real?" Holder asked in a slow, sleepy voice.

"Yes," Sarah answered.

"I could hear you talkin. You talkin to me?"

"No, the lieutenant called."

"Shit," Holder responded.

"I explained what happened," Sarah said. "We're okay."

Holder opened his eyes. "For real?"

"Yes. He said the M.E. report came out and that Sonny starved to death. He'd been dead for two days when we arrived, and his time of death doesn't match up with DeVian being in the house. He was seen on surveillance cameras at a liquor store and then on traffic cams during that time. He's also got alibis who made sworn statements that DeVian was with them during the time Sonny was tied to the radiator and died.

"That don't mean nothin'."

Traffic cams support his statement that he was only at the house for several hours before we raided. The shoe print is not even his. He lawyered up, so they're cutting him loose."

"Damn," Holder mumbled. "Then why did the Solomons want the evidence? Why do all this?"

"Maybe they thought he did it, too. Maybe the shoes link to something else? I don't know."

"All this for nothing," Holder interjected, pulling the covers up closer to his face, still shivering uncontrollably.

Linden sighed. "We've got to get back to the mother. She's got to break some time."

"She's a tweaker, Linden. Do ya really understand what that means?"

Linden stared at him.

"It means that the she's probably not much more than a potato. I'm speaking from experience. Alls I can remember about that time is stealing crystal from the evidence locker. I didn't even care if I got nabbed. I remember Liz screaming and crying and telling me not to come back. I remember craving it so bad that nothing…and I mean nothing…mattered to me any more. Little Davy just watched, not doin' nothing. His facial expression was blank. He wasn't scared or sad…it was like he was expectin' it. He just watched as his moms threw shit at me, telling me I had ruined her life, telling me to get the hell out of their lives…and not to come back."

"She didn't mean it. She loves you."

"It's gotta be rough for her, ya know? She saved my life and sacrificed everything for me…and for what?"

"You're going to have to forgive yourself. You can't change the past."

Holder turned toward her and sarcastically chuckled, "I know…change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference...blah, blah, blah."

Linden shook her head. "So what made you quit then?"

"I was out there on the streets…no money, getting ready to lose my job, no family…nothin'. Just the clothes on my back. I wanted to die…honest to God. I was coming down, headin' into a crash. I had already spent Little Davy's gold coin. I had nothin' left. It was dark and blowin' snow around, so I thought if I could just wait on that park bench that I would just go…ya know…never wake up."

Linden looked at him like she had never seen him before.

Holder continued, "And that's when I heard my higher power speakin' to me."

"You were high," Linden interrupted.

"You can joke, Sarah Linden, but this is real. He told me this was not the direction in my life…that I had things to do…he wasn't done with me yet."

Linden squinted at him. "Then where was your higher power last night as those pieces of shit shot you full of methamphetamine after you've been clean for two and a half years?"

"He was there, Linden. I know he was. There's a reason…"

"That's a cop-out that you people use when bad things happen to good people."

"Whatever…you believe what you want, and I'll believe what I want."

Linden shook her head, considering what he was saying but not understanding how he could possibly be so complacent.

"I can't explain it, and I'm pissed as hell, but there's a reason. When I was out there and finally woke up, I probably should have been a human popsicle, but I wasn't. I decided then that I was gonna get clean. Then Gill came along and helped me."

"Yeah, well, we know how that turned out."

"Regardless," Holder said.

"Yeah, you're right. I'm sorry."

"No need, Linden. I get it. You don't believe in no higher power. But you will someday. Osmosis. Ya keep hangin' round me and you'll one day see what I mean."

"Fat chance," Linden said as she smiled broadly at him. "You're good, but you're not that good."

"You'll see, Camus."

Sarah leaned forward on the couch. "Let's get some coffee."

"I need a cigarette."

"Me, too. Are you going to try and make it in today?"

Holder squinted as he contemplated.

"You look pretty rough."

"My temple's been shaken, but I'll be alright."

"I know you will," Sarah answered.

"I'll chill here for a while longer…to get my head on straight."

"Okay."

"Call me when the moms is alert?"

"Oh yeah…I'm not going at her alone. I need you on this one, Holder. You speak the language…not me."

Holder laughed. "Detective Linden needs me. Ahhh, you flatter me so."

They shared coffee, and Linden headed to the precinct. Holder stayed behind to continue to ride out his hangover. He was frightened as to what would come next for him, but he had faith that his higher power wouldn't let him down.


	5. Thirteen Days

Chapter Five: Thirteen Days

"Come on, Holder…pick up," Linden spoke agitatedly into her cellphone. She then closed her phone together and slipped it into her coat pocket. She paused another moment then pulled it back out of her pocket and dialed Holder again. As it continued to ring, she contemplated just driving to his apartment to check on him.

"Yo," Holder quietly said in a voice indicating that he had just awakened.

"Holder…Holder," Linden said frantically. "I've been trying to reach you."

"Uh, been sleeping, Linden. What time is it?"

"It's about…1:15," Linden answered as she brought her watch up to her face. Ms. Rutledge…uh…Sonny's mother…is ready to talk, Holder. I could really use you down here."

"Give me 15," Holder replied.

"I'll come get you."

Holder didn't argue. He got up off the couch he had been sleeping on and headed to the shower. He still felt exhausted, but he knew he needed to pull it together for his partner.

Sarah arrived at Holder's apartment and headed up the steps toward his door. She had held on to his spare key that he usually kept under the flower pot. She felt safer that way given the recent circumstances. As she entered into his apartment, she saw Holder rummaging through his laundry basket for a clean hoodie. His wife-beater tee shirt was slung over his shoulder. Sarah noticed how bruised his ribs were. She had forgotten about the beating he had endured by the three members of Solomon family. "Jesus, Holder, are you alright?"

"Ah, Detective Linden has a sympathetic side. You're gonna want to take my temperature next." Holder smiled.

"Dream on," Sarah smiled back. "Are you about ready?"

"Patience…Linden…just try to dig deep and find some…okay?" Holder said as he pulled out a hoodie from underneath some clothes in the basket and sniffed it. It smelled okay, so he gave the sweatshirt a facial expression of acceptance as he shook his head up and down several times.

Sarah saw him slowly putting on his tee shirt, struggling to hide the physical pain he was in.

Holder saw Sarah look at her watch several times. "Okay, Linden. Let's bounce."

They headed to the station, ready to take on Sonny's mom. It was a fairly quick drive, and they didn't argue about who would be behind the driver's seat. Holder knew his place at this moment was as passenger.

"Work your magic," Sarah said as they headed into the room where Sonny's mother was being held.

Holder was smiling at her comment as they entered the door then quickly lost his smile when he came face to face with the woman who was responsible for starving an innocent child to death.

Mandy Rutledge was 24 years old but had the look of a woman who has lived three times that. Her mid-length greasy, stringy hair hung in clumps on her head. What teeth remained in her mouth were overwrought with rot. She sat with her right hand cuffed to the steel table, so she had to itch her face and arm with her left hand. Holder had grown up in rundown public housing, and seeing her made him remember the eyes and expressions of the feral cats he and his friends would trap in the alleys.

Linden sat across from the mother, looking up in astonishment when she realized that the mother had to have been 13 when she got pregnant and 14 when she became a mother. She felt confused as her heart ached for the mother sitting across the table from her.

Holder stood in the back behind the mother with her case file in his hand. He continued to read through the documents in the file.

Linden was doing all of the talking, her eyes shifting from the mother to Holder. She tried in vain to get the mother to open up by attempting to connect with her and making small talk. Linden then saw Holder look up with an expression that he had recognized something. "What is it, Holder?" she asked.

Holder then came and sat down beside Linden and stared at the mother. Linden knew it was a strategy, so she worked with him and said nothing.

The mother then broke the silence. "You got the sickness…don't ya? One junkie knows another."

Holder continued to stare at the mother, his facial expression remaining constant. The silence was excruciatingly painful for all three of them. Then a very soft and calm voice emerged from Holder. "I know why ya put him in his room. I get it…really…I do."

The mother's eyes broadened.

Holder continued, "I used to get in my moms' way. It wadn't her fault. I was a terror."

The mother began twisting strands of her oily hair.

"My pops was in jail. He died of a heroin overdose 13 days before he was gonna be released from maximum security." Holder could see from the corner of his eye Linden turning to look at him then self-consciously look away.

Linden nervously picked back the cuticles on her fingernails.

"He was a junkie all his life. No one even wanted his stupid-ass body. Planted him at the prison with all the other pieces of shit. It ain't nothin' but a thang. But my moms…man…she struggled. Somewhere along the lines she didn't get the memo that she shouldn't use while pregnant, so I was a hell-of-a-kid."

Linden's heart sank in her chest. She knew he was telling the truth.

The mother continued to stare straight into Holder's eyes. She knew that this junkie detective wasn't bull-shitting her like all the cops and social services people she had encountered in her life. "Like I said, you got that look."

"Yeah, I do. So I comprehend," Holder said as he tapped his forehead. "My moms struggled with me. I cried a lot as a baby, and then as a tyke I wudn't a whole hell of a lot better." Holder paused. "Sonny wrack your nerves, too? Can't say as I blame ya if ya say he did."

The mother looked at Holder then quietly said, "Yep."

"I was always in her way…always wantin' somethin. I'd done the same thing…ya know?" Holder then paused as he pulled several sheets of paper from the case file.

Linden wondered what he was up to but remained quiet. He was making headway with her.

"Says here that you gotta be in court next week for an animal cruelty charge. What up with that?" Holder said as he pointed to the papers he had put on the table in front of the mother.

"Oh that. Sonny was always bringing home some stray," the mother answered as she scratched several of the sores on her arm.

"It feels like bugs under your skin, eh?"

The mother giggled. That's all the confirmation she needed that she was in the same room with a fellow tweaker.

"So, what about the dog?" Holder asked.

"That mangy little ankle biter. He barked all the fuckin time. I tied his ass outside. That's where he belonged."

"Yeah?" Linden asked.

The mother shifted her eyes off Holder to Linden then back to Holder with no other acknowledgement of Linden. As she locked eyes again with Holder, she added, "It was another fuckin mouth to feed…that's all that was. Neighbors complained…then the po-po and some other uniform came and took him away. Told me I had to go to court. Don't remember why…just that I had to be there. Wasn't plannin' to go anyways."

"Says here that the dog was near death. Its chain only had a few inches of give and apparently you didn't give him food or water," Linden said.

The mother didn't even bother to look at Sarah this time. "Alls I know is that they came and took that mangy mutt away. Didn't want the little fucker anyways."

Silence engulfed them again.

Then the mother said, "Same with Sonny. The uniforms took him away. Right? I didn't want him either. Gave birth to him in an alley on my way to score. All those social people say that it was best for Sonny to be with his moms, but I told them I didn't want him…had no use for him. But you all came and got him…right?"

Linden and Holder looked at each other, both realizing that the mother didn't know her son was dead.

"Tell him I say to have a good life."

"He's dead Ms. Rutledge. Sonny didn't make it. He was dead for two days before we got to him," Linden said softly.

The mother looked down at the scabs on her arms that she was picking. They were getting bloody. Her hands were shaking as she continued to pick. "That's what you people do…why ain't you get Sonny in time?"

Neither Linden nor Holder knew what to say.

"So what you want from me, pigs? You want me to say I tied him up? Well, I did! So what? We was partyin'! He had no business sneakin' 'round us!"

"When was that?' Linden calmly asked. She could hear Holder's breathing intensify.

"I dunno…when he got home from school. Weekend…I think."

"He missed almost two whole weeks of school," Linden interjected.

"That was…" Holder paused as he counted in his head. "That was 13 fuckin' days!" he yelled.

The mother jumped at holder's loud tone of voice then stared at the wall between him and Linden. "What the fuck you want me to do 'bout that? That's your job. You was supposed to come and get the little prick! You didn't do your job. You killed the little bastard…not me! It was your job to come and get him."

Holder slammed his hand down on the table. Papers flew all about them.

Linden grabbed his arm. "Calm down."

"I gotta get out of here, Linden. We got what we needed. That stupid tweaker admitted that she tied her kid to the radiator in his bedroom. She admitted that it was on Friday. He missed almost two weeks of school, so, based on her testimony, her child starved to death while being chained to a cold radiator for 13 days. 13 fuckin days! No one heard him…no one noticed. Jesus Christ! I gotta jet!"

"Okay, Holder. I'll finish up here and meet you in the office."

Holder got up and forcefully knocked on the door for the uni on the other side to let him out.

Mandy Rutledge stared inquisitively at Holder as she watched him stand by the door to be let out of the interrogation room. "What the fuck? You think you're better than me? You think you're better than me?" she repeated.

Holder turned around to glare at her.

"You ain't!" Mandy yelled. "You shulda come to get him!"

That stuck with Holder as he was let out of the room and headed down the hall to their office and plopped down into his chair. His office was dark, but he needed the dark right now. "Jesus," Holder thought. "What kind of world have we created that people take no responsibility for themselves?"

A little later, Sarah came in. "You okay?"

Holder scowled. "No," he answered.

Linden breathed in heavily and pulled up her chair beside him. They sat there beside each other for quite a while…neither saying anything.

"Jesus, Sarah, no one noticed."

"I know," Linden responded.

"There damn well better be a special place in hell for her!" Holder yelled.

Linden could see the uni's pause outside their door as they walked by. "Let's get out of here. Do you want to grab some dinner? My treat."

Holder looked up at her, tears forming in his eyes.

"You survived, Stephen. They didn't notice you either…but you're a survivor."

Holder's hands were shaking as he released his pent up emotions from the past few days. He bent his chin down onto his chest and closed his eyes. Breathing in heavily, he tried to regain control.

Sarah leaned forward and put her hand on the back of Holder's head to guide him toward her. She wasn't sure what to do and didn't have a natural instinct, but she knew her friend was in pain and needed reassurance. Sarah guided his head to her shoulder as he continued to cry. Her hand remained on the back of his head with her out-stretched hand enveloping it. "It's all going to be okay. Do you hear me? It's going to be okay." She could hear Holder's cries lessen and lessen until he was quiet. She stayed still until he was ready to move.

"It ain't right, Linden. He was just a little boy. He should be out kickin' the leaves in the park or playin' football. It just ain't right."

"I don't understand it either," Linden answered quietly. "But we're going to make it through this…okay?"

"Okay," Holder answered as he pulled away from Sarah and sat back in his chair, looking up at the ceiling.

"Come on, let's get out of here and grab some food," Sarah said as she stood up in front of him.

Holder stood up beside her and together they headed out of the precinct. "Let's make a pit on the way, though. Okay?"

"You got it," Linden answered, letting Holder take the wheel this time.


	6. Plans for Us

Chapter Six: Plans for Us

Holder pulled up in front of Highland Park Elementary School and looked over at Linden. "We got a few loose ends," he announced.

"Okay," Sarah replied. She believed in tying up all ends. "Do you mind telling me what we're tying up here, though?"

"They shoulda noticed…shoulda done somethin'."

"Now you're sounding like Mandy," Linden stated.

"No," Holder retorted. "That Social Worker is paid to notice a kid bein' a Houdini."

"You're right. Okay…Let's get her," Linden responded.

They walked into the school. It was quiet. All of the children had already left for the day. There was no bulletin board display of Sonny with children's handwritten notes scrawled across green-lined paper. There was no recognition that their school had even suffered a loss. Holder then remembered what it was like when he was a child and had lost a schoolmate.

Nothing.

It was commonplace. They had become accepting to death as if it were ever present and would get them one day soon as well. The children would take the news with no emotion and then re-group and re-form themselves. So, they didn't grow up frightened to die. Death was such a compelling force that they never really properly learned how to live. They used drugs and sex and fast cars long before their counterparts who grew up in the affluent parts of town and went to private Christian schools. It was a strange phenomenon that he had forgotten about until that moment.

Several staff walked in and out of rooms, and a custodian was pushing a broom at the end of the hall. "Let's go to the one person who usually knows the most 'round here," Holder said as he began walking toward the custodian.

Linden followed him down the hall.

"Hey brother, can you help me here? I need some info on a boy."

The custodian looked at them. It was obvious that he was uneasy about being approached by them. He stepped back several steps and tried to avoid them as she looked down at the dirt pile Holder was standing in the middle of.

Holder looked at him and chuckled when he realized he was standing in the pile of dirt the custodian had just made as he swept. "Sorry bro. Listen, we'll be out of here in a split. Tell us what ya know 'bout Sonny Rutledge then we'll be out of your…well…dirt."

"Listen, man. Strict orders. We ain't even s'pose to talk to our family members 'bout dat boy."

Linden was alarmed. "Why?"

"Cause…" The custodian hesitated then looked around the school.

"Spill it, brother," Holder prodded.

"The boss says for us to keep our heads down and our mouths shut." He ran his broom over Holder's feet. Holder stepped aside. They all turned when they heard a door close and footsteps coming toward them.

It was the principal. She was noticeably angry.

"Detectives…just because you're wearing badges does not mean you're entitled to bypass our security procedure!"

"Damn…get your panties all in a twist, why don't ya, sista?" Holder mockingly stated.

Linden refrained from smiling.

The principal motioned for them to walk back toward the entrance to her office. They reluctantly followed her down the hall.

"Listen, Principal…" Sarah paused.

"Gupton," the principal announced.

Sarah continued, "Principal Gupton, we're investigating Sonny Rutledge's death."

"He died at home. What does his death have to do with us?"

"You tell us," Holder answered.

"I don't know what you mean."

"Why'd you tell your peeps to keep it in the vault?" Holder asked as he shifted from foot to foot in front of her. The principal's office always made him nervous. He had spent a fair amount of time in them as a child. Linden didn't care for them either. She moved from school to school, and the principal's office was always her and Reggie's first stop. After a while she became numb to the smiles and welcomes because after the doors closed, she was just another number in the chart for Free and Reduced lunches, another short-timer, another piece of poor-white-trash.

"I'm losing my fuckin patience!" Holder yelled. "I've had a bad fuckin week…man you don't even want to know the half of it. But let me tell you this…you better start fuckin singin'!"

Linden didn't stop him from crossing the line. It saved her from having to. They needed to understand what was going on, so if Holder dropped a few F-Bombs, then so be it.

The principal took several steps back and sat down in her chair behind her desk as she stared at Linden and Holder.

"Listen, it wasn't their fault. They were doing their best," Principal Gupton uttered as she began weeping.

"A lotta that goin' 'round," Holder joked as he looked over at Linden.

Linden smiled back at him. "Tell us what's going on. Why did you tell your staff not to talk?"

"Mrs. Blaine, our Social Worker…you have to understand. She's nearing retirement and is exhausted. We're supposed to have three Social Workers, and with the budget cuts, we lost two of them last year. His teacher, Mrs. Salingsworth is young. This can ruin her career. She's got 29 children in her class, and 22 of them have IEP's. How is one person supposed to teach under these circumstances…let alone be able to follow up with the social worker to call when a child is absent?" Mrs. Gupton put her head down on her desk and continued to cry.

Holder looked over at Linden. After several minutes he asked, "So why ya so short with teachers? People don't wanna work for ya?"

"Holder," Linden reproached.

"Sorry," Holder defended as he held up his hands and took several steps backward.

"It's all about the Water Front projects," Mrs. Gupton said as she wiped her eyes with a tissue she had fished out of her jacket pocket. "We're doing our best, but we're failing our children. We're failing them! We're so sorry about Sonny, but he's not the only one being failed here. Our classes are too large, our staff have been cut, we have limited funds to be able to make any real difference in their lives. Right now it's all about the revitalization. We thought Mayor Richmond would be different, but he's no better than Adams. We're still getting cut." She put her hands over her face and began crying some more.

"Ma'am, thank you for your time," Linden said as she grabbed Holder by the arm and pushed him through the door.

"We just gonna leave?"

"It's not their fault, Holder. Didn't you hear her?"

"Yeah…I heard her," Holder said anxiously as he jumped into the driver's side and waited for Linden.

"What's that look for?" Linden asked.

Holder didn't answer.

"We're going to see Mayor Richmond, aren't we?" Linden asked, not needing Holder to confirm that. "Okay, I can get behind that," she added.

As they drove toward City Hall, Sarah thought about all the shit she and Holder had been through these past few days. They experienced more than most detectives see in a year. She thought about Holder and how much he had grown since the first time they had met. He was a tidal wave coming into her life. She had low expectations of him, but he proved himself worthy. She couldn't wrap her head around his faith, but, quite frankly, so much about him was a contradiction wrapped in an enigma. But one thing was for sure about Stephen Holder, he was always there to support her.

"What a pair." Sarah said interrupting the comfortable silence between them.

"Yep," Holder responded. "There's really no solution, is it?"

"What do you mean?"

"You taken away and put in homes and me left in my home…and we're both…"

"What?" Linden interrupted.

"Fucked up. We're both pretty fucked up, and you know it."

"I am not!" Linden half-heartedly defended.

"Oh man! You're the president of the _I'm-not-capable-of-having-normal-relationships-with-people _club," Holder mockingly stated.

"Oh yeah, well…"

Holder interrupted, "I'm just saying that we're both pretty fucked up in the ole noggins, and you got taken away by social services and I didn't. There ain't no solution, is it? We both ended up in the same fucked-up place."

Linden contemplated his point. She hadn't realized that earlier.

A few minutes later, Linden stated, "You know?"

"What?"

"Both DeVian and Mandy would only talk to you."

Holder contemplated, not understanding where Sarah was going with that.

"Your whole life…who you are…you know? However fucking painful it was…It's made you the good cop you are."

Holder sat back momentarily and then turned briefly to look over at Sarah. "A compliment from Detective Sarah Linden? Damn!"

"I'm serious, Holder."

Holder turned to smile at her.

"We are a sum total of so many things…fucked up or normal…whatever the hell normal really means. But our biology and our sociology…they amalgamate and we become who we are," Sarah calmly stated.

Holder tapped the steering wheel.

"I get why you believe…I can see that. I don't understand it for myself, but I can understand it in you."

"Yeah, bad shit goes down all the time. Ya know? I'm back to where I started…but we're not," Holder responded, stressing the _we're _in his sentence.

Sarah was taken aback. He was right.

"Fucked up or not," Holder continued, "I'm at a much better place now than two and a half years ago. Ya know? I dunno how to really explain it. But we're here right now in this place together…. We're headin' to City Hall back to a place where we started together. That ain't no coincidence, Linden. Rosie Larsen…those four weeks together working on that first case…the case that almost killed us both…it was just the beginning. There's plans for us."

Linden grimaced. She couldn't wrap her head around it, but she understood what he was trying to say.

"Remember what I been sayin'. Osmosis. You'll get it one day, Linden," Holder said as he winked at her and tapped his temple.

Sarah smiled broadly at Holder as he sped down Fourth Avenue toward City Hall.

A few minutes later, Linden and Holder burst through Seattle's City Hall building and headed toward the elevators to the second floor. They had become quite knowledgeable of the building in the Rosie Larsen case. To their surprise, Gwen Eaton still worked for Richmond.

"Can I help you…detectives?" Gwen asked as she squinted at them, trying to recall their names.

"Detectives Linden and Holder," Sarah said.

"Yes, I remember you. You're the ones who paralyzed Darren," Gwen added.

"Cheap shot," Holder stated.

Gwen frowned at him.

"Where's the Wizard of Oz? Holder asked. "Behind the curtain?"

Gwen continued to frown at him.

We need to see the mayor now," Linden demanded.

"That's not possible," Gwen said.

"I can clearly see him in there, so make it possible," Linden demanded.

"He's busy."

"Well make him unbusy!" Holder shouted.

"Mayor!" Linden shouted through the glass wall, "We need to speak with you now. It's urgent!"

Mayor Darren Richmond rolled toward them and opened his glass door and came into the area where they were. "What can I help you with, detectives?"

Holder stood for a few moments looking at Richmond and all the plaques and pictures on the walls surrounding them. He then reached in his jacket pocket and brought out a five by seven colored glossy picture of Sonny Rutledge. Slapping the picture down onto Gwen's desk, Holder stepped back a few steps. They all looked down and saw the school photograph of a beautiful smiling little boy exuding so much joy amongst so much sadness in his life.

"Am I supposed to know this boy?" Darren asked.

"Mr. Mayor," Linden started, concerned that Holder was getting too emotional again. "This little boy died of starvation…"

"In his own crib!" Holder interrupted.

The mayor frowned.

"In his own home," Linden rephrased.

Both Richmond and Gwen frowned at the picture and looked up at Holder and Linden. "I don't get the connection to us," Gwen said nervously.

"He was chained to his own radiator in nothin but his underoos…for 13 fuckin days!" Holder yelled.

Security had come upon them. Richmond held up his hand in a gesture to tell them to back off. He then looked at Holder and gave him an expression that showed he was oblivious to what they were talking about.

"It's about inadequate funding in our schools now, Mayor Richmond," Linden said.

"What?" Richmond asked.

"Ya got kids all jammed in classes…not enough teachers to teach them. You got social workers past their prime tryin' to take care of all the kids in a school…" Holder scolded.

"Especially a school filled with as many special needs children," Linden added.

Richmond sat back in his wheelchair then reached forward to pick up Sonny's picture. Holder grabbed it away before Richmond could get it. He hesitated then handed the picture to Richmond.

"Your fuckin Water Front project is killin' kids," Holder said grimly through gritted teeth. "You're no better than Adams."

Gwen sat down in her chair. Her mouth was ajar. The ruffian detective was right, saying something that she herself didn't have the nerve these past two years to speak aloud to the man she loved.

"Take a good look at him, mayor!" Holder yelled, making the security detail behind them extremely nervous.

"It could have been prevented," Linden said.

"He didn't have to die…. It was just a clusterfuck of shit waitin' to happen," Holder spat.

"So what do you want from me right now?"

"I want you to wake up! I want you do get your ass down to those schools and give 'em the scratch they're entitled to! I want you…no, I expect you…to fix this problem you created!"

Richmond looked over at Gwen. She continued to sit there with that same feral cat expression that Sonny's mother had in the interrogation room.

Richmond wheeled forward and handed Holder back the picture of Sonny. "Okay, I'll get right on it. I promise," he said in the most sincere voice he could conjure up.

Linden shook her head. "Okay, mayor, we'll leave you to your work." She grabbed Holder by his elbow and turned him toward the exit door.

Holder broke free of her grasp and turned back around toward Richmond, who was beginning to wheel himself back into his glassed-in office. He forced his way in front of Richmond, blocking his path into his office. "But if you don't, I'll be right on you. I'm going to show up at every public event, every speech, every dinner honoring you…I'm going to be on you like a fly on a big steamy pile of shit! I will show them this picture…and I won't stop. I'll keep at it until I'm satisfied that there's been justice for Sonny!" Holder yelled down into Richmond's face.

Richmond's facial expression went blank. He sat there looking Holder up and down. He then realized that the young detective couldn't be brushed off so easily. "I give you my word that I'll get right on it. I promise," he stated.

"You better," Holder responded. At that, Holder turned around and trudged back toward Linden, who remained standing at the door, smiling at Holder. "Okay Linden, we can go now."

They walked out to their car in silence. Sarah had never been prouder of anyone in her life than she was of Stephen Holder at that moment.

The End

7


End file.
